Alone Together
by freecleo
Summary: The Broken Four. Alli, Adam, Clare, Eli.


We were the broken four.

We were the outcast.

The freshly 'chewed-up-and-spit-out.'

We were the ones that nobody wanted, but they loved to ridicule.

I had never been like this, and I was pretty sure she hadn't either. The boys were used to it- rejection, that is. They adapted. They moved on.

But, we girls were feeble. Unsure. Weak.

We broke under the peer pressure of pleasing everybody.

The four of us sat on the picnic table, amused by our loneliness.

I was the outsider of the four, obviously the one that didn't fit in. It was like the questions we were always asked as children; "which one of these things doesn't belong?"

Not only in physicality, but in mentality, I struggled to fit in. There were all comfortable with one another, letting their guard down. She took off her hoodie, and didn't care if she was only wearing the hideous school uniform underneath. He took off his hat, and no one seemed to care that he had the worst case of hat hair I'd ever seen. He kept everything to himself, and no one seemed to care that he wouldn't open up. They seemed so set. So together. Like the inner workings of a clock, I had off-set their gears. I was the fourth-wheel to their carefully balanced tricycle.

Still, I stayed- for I had nowhere else to go, no one else to turn to. I was beginning to sweat, just light beads of perspiration, but enough to make me uncomfortable. I threw my jacket to the side, quickly- revealing that I to; was imprisoned in the school uniform. Somehow, I felt almost freer. Nobody seemed to notice.

"Let's go to the lake," Eli said- his dark hair glistening in the sun- eyes twitching over to her occasionally. A longing expression that I wished someone had for me.

But I was the whore. I could have no one now.

Everyone nodded in agreement. Adam threw on his beanie and slid in to the back seat with me. Eli drove, with Clare in the front seat.

It was hard for an outsider to see why they loved each other. But they did. And as a recently-appointed insider, I could finally see why she had fallen for him so hard.

She sat in the passenger seat, looking as comfortable as ever. It was if she belonged right there, in that moment. And even if they weren't together anymore, she was still comfortable enough to be around him.

It had never been that way for me.

Her spring break at her grandmother's had given her a glow- lightly tanned skin, sunlight light auburn hair. He looked at her with this look in his eye, like he wanted to touch her skin, to see if she was real. She seemed to not notice, but I saw her guiltily sneak looks at him in the driver seat, seemingly unaware of everything but the road ahead.

His break had obviously done him worse. His skin had paled, and bags had appeared under his eyes. He still look… dare I say- attractive, but it was obvious he was under emotional-turmoil. I think seeing him like this made her feel guilty.

They wanted to be together. That much was obvious.

He was sitting next to me, obviously somewhere else. He acts like no one does him wrong, when he's been the most wronged of all of us. He's trapped, you can see that much. But he carries on.

How he does it, I guess I'll never know.

We arrived at the lake later that afternoon, sun on the water- shining on the rocks, and the plants. The sun gave everything a golden glow, and we all grabbed a place to be seated on the rocks. We sat in a casual fashion, cross-legged, and blankly.

Everything was so wrong, and we all knew it.

But no one would talk.

No one until-

"We're all fucked, aren't we?" He spoke. Sitting to my left, he was all alone, beanie covering his head casually, looking like he was discussing the weather. A light smile was playing on the corners of his mouth.

Eli glanced up from the other side of the rock, grateful, I think, that somebody was speaking.

"Fucked indeed." He simply retorted, in his dry fashion.

She just sat there, playing with a piece of dried wood, trying not to stare at Eli. Her attempts failed, and she simply gazed at him, while at last he made eye contact.

Their visual-embrace was getting too much for me to bear.

I got up, dusted off my skirt, and left, heading for the water. I wanted him to follow.

I wanted to talk to him.

I wanted to talk to him about Drew.

But he didn't follow.

I suppose it was for the best. Maybe I wasn't ready to talk about Drew. About how I wasn't good enough. And I suppose that maybe he couldn't have given me all the answers anyway, that being his brother and all. Maybe, sometimes- my thoughts are too cliché.

By the end of the day, Clare and Eli have made up. Maybe love works out for some of us.

Maybe just not all of us.

Maybe I'll always be alone.

Maybe.

Maybe I'll always be alone, and maybe the beanie-head boy will always be alone.

Always separate, but alone together.

Maybe.

Maybe that'll happen in the future.

But for right now, we're just waiting.

We're waiting, and we're injured before the game even starts.

We drive back to Degrassi.

To our picnic table.

To _their_ picnic table, in which I'm a foreigner.

School is over, nobody's there, with the exception of a few teachers. We probably won't get in trouble right now, but stay here to long, and it's all over.

Eli and Clare are speaking, quietly- as it to not disturb the thoughts of the loners.

I turn to him, the first time I've spoken this entire day.

"I think my heart's breaking."

I whisper.

It's lame. But I don't know what else to say.

He nods.

He understands.


End file.
